Does anyone really mean for better or worse anymore?
June 3, 2009
It`s going to be hard work...but the journey sure does have it's beautiful moments!
* The following is a burden my heart feels every time I hear that someone I know divorcing or separating. It makes my heart ache for wedding vows and love to win out. However, the following blog is not in response to a fear that my marriage is currently failing. I am just recognizing how vulnerable love and realtionships are. I am simply expressing my ache and desperation for answers and tools in this battle against that which is labelled “divorce“ but one could also call it hate, bitterness, anger, injustice, deception, pain, agony, shame or any other destructive word their is ….
Ahhhhh! Is all I can say. I am yelling out , typing out into this big massive expansive world called the web asking pleading for anyone who said their wedding vows and are succeding a fulfilling them. I have just heard of one more couple in my immediate aquaintances who is separating. (Separating from what? Marriage? Each other? What is seaparating any way? How will anything be solved through more space, what reading eachothers minds will fix the problems?) I get it their human, everyone is human we all mess up.I get it! I guess that is why I am here asking for witnesses who can assure me my short marriage of only three years will last, is there hope or is this world so bad that any problem my husband and I have will be too great for us to stand against? Will we get so far from our wedding vows that keeping them no matter how hard will be too destructive for us as people. Maybe I only notice the bad but doesn`t it seem a lot of marriages are dying or dead. What makes it even more discouraging is that the divorces I see are among those who have claimed to have an almighty God at the center of their love and than for some reason their human flaws consume and destroy that love. I know I need to hold onto hope, faith, God`s strength but I guess I am asking for a little help from my fellow humanity to help me keep the faith. Asking for others who have fought for their marriages to testify. Is it time that those of us who are married, no matter the years, speak up and testisfy that with a perseverant love that always hopes can protect a marriage till death due it part.
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Being married for 25 years this summer, I often take mine for grant it. Yet, like you my heart has the same reaction when I hear about others’ who have not lasted.Thanks for sharing.
Hi Larissa, I know what you mean, for a lot of people marriage seems like its just something to do. If it works it works, if it doesn’t then oh well. Its sad really. Damian and I just had our 14th anniversary. We had some tough times along the way, but its about sticking it out and working together and remembering that first love (sound familiar), the same principles from our walk with God. You are newly weds and are still learning. I’ve been married 14 years and still consider myself a newly wed because we are still learning. That will never change. It is difficult at times, but the rewards are great. As you grow together and become more rooted you will become stronger. I believe that your marriage will last because you want it to and “for better of for worse” does mean something to you. Thanks for sharing. People should be more concerned with this topic.
Hmm… You raise good questions, Larissa. I agree that taking all vows seriously is very important, and I am divorced. I hear people speak of ending their marriages and casually moving forward. This shocks me. I know people are all different but I’m still unable to understand how the decision to step away from a relationship can be made casually. Grief and loss are a long and ever evolving journey. Ending a long term relationship is not a casual decision. I remember my mentor, a then 72 year old grandmother of 6 who had just lost a daughter to cancer a week prior to my separation, sharing these words with me, “When someone dies people bring food, when someone divorces people offer judgment.”
Thank you for your comments cori. I appreciate your thoughts and for sharing a bit of your journey. I hope that my blog didn’t come across to you as judgement I truly did not mean it as such. I promise I can’t judge too many people who are too important to me have divorced and I know it was excrutiating to decide to split up and I know that they are better people because they divorced. My blog stemmed from the lack of people around me who testify about marriages that work, I somtimes feel as a newly married person that divorce will just be part of my future because the only times people talk about marriage is when it is failing. I guess I was just desperate to hear that their are people’ whos marriage succeeds and grows as the people grow and change. I am so sorry if you felt I was placing judgement on anyone who divorces I promise that is the last thing I wanted to do with my blog. if this is what I have caused you to feel than I will rewrite the blog.
I have only been married a year longer than you. We went through a really tough time a couple years ago and I struggled with wanting to remain with my husband. I went through a period of time where I didn’t even think he was the one anymore BUT I reminded myself that I knew once upon a time he was the one; I had my maid of honor keep me accountable telling her she stood up for me and watched me vow before God, friends and family to stick with this man for better or worse. I am happy to say we fought through that rough patch and I love him even more because of it. I know more rough patches will come throughout out lifetime, but marriage is a life time commitment… not a contract you can just opt out of because life gets tough and I am happy because I have that security. God chose my spouse for me, it is up to us with God’s help to make our life amazing through the good and the bad. If marriages go through a rough spot, don’t be afraid to ask for help. It is what we did, and I am forever thankful for it.